back in the saddle.

yes, i’m aware that i haven’t written in nearly a year.

not for lack of goings-on, i assure you! but i refuse to be that girl who says “i’m too busy to write!” (anymore!) … after all, i’ve recently found time to start a new job, be in my best friend’s wedding, help start a church, look for a new house, and occasionally even sleep for more than a five hour stretch.  but when that many months accumulate without so much as a peep, it is intimidating to try to condense those months into something cohesive that doesn’t make me sound like a raving lunatic. not that i need any help with that ‘sounding like a raving lunatic’ thing.

but in the category of ‘things sam needs to do’, and in the interest of shaking off the dust that piles up after such a long hiatus … this is me, attempting to get back in the saddle.  the blogging saddle, that is.

so here’s the cliff’s notes on the last 10 months:

there is no way to sugarcoat that this has been the hardest year of my life. i won’t say much about that … there is too much, too deep and too personal to put into words here. not to mention the fact that i’m sure i haven’t processed everything myself.  and while i love you guys, and i do process by writing, there is much that is still too raw to process here, now.  i will simply summarize by saying that it amazes me how much and how quickly junk gets rooted in our hearts.  little hurts that turn into deep wounds, wounds that we pretend are pinpricks when in fact they are gaping gunshot wounds.  or things that we didn’t even know wounded us- words someone said in carelessness … that maybe we thought we had shaken off, but they took root in the recesses of our minds and our hearts.  and they grew.  then, perhaps years later, someone else says something that triggers the lie we’ve swallowed.  the lie that has grown into a sick version of the truth and sowed its poison in every area of our lives.  the good news is that the Lord hasn’t left me there- much of the difficulty of this year has been the purging of my heart, the dredging up of things that have gone buried for too long.  i am grateful beyond telling that He loves me too much to allow me to continue living this way.  there are too many people and too many conversations to mention, but one thing i want to be sure to share: my friend taylor was in town several months ago, and we were dancing around this topic over coffee.  she told me about a sermon series by andy stanley that was a real game changer for her, a series called ‘it came from within’ about the monsters in our hearts.  i downloaded the series and listened to it at work …. dang, gina. here is the link to one of the sermons … definitely worth a listen. and here is the link to the book he wrote based on the series. (hint: my birthday is in a month, and i really want this book. no shame here!) i cannot lie about this- freedom is not easily won, and the price is high.  but everything dear usually is, hm? sorry … that got kind of intense.

new job.  i loved starbucks (!) but the money and the hours are major players when you’re 29 and have bills.  i’m working at an optometry practice in north raleigh now … learning alot about eyeballs, and loving the consistency of a grown-up job.

my best friend got married on august 18, at a beautiful ceremony in the foothills of the blue ridge mountains.  i got to be the maid of honor and had to wear very tall heels.  i almost fell no less than six times walking up the aisle.  and i cried through most of the ceremony.  but it was a perfect day! carter and i have been friends since 2006 … bests since 2008.  love her! and so thankful to have been a part of her life so far and her wedding.

after the reception, i drove back to raleigh and took a three hour nap before getting up to set up for the launch of lifecity church.  (yes, it was an insane weekend.  no, i’m not sure how i survived.)  this is another one of those things that i simply cannot condense, so i will just say that it was amazing beyond telling.  we are just a month out from launch, and i am floored by what Christ is up to in building his bride.

well, there we go … i am officially back in the blogosphere.  a little rusty to be sure, but back.

1 Comment

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One response to “back in the saddle.

  1. Correction – bests since August 2007. 😉 Love you@

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