homesick. (faith my eyes)

i’m not usually the girl that gets homesick, but i’m feelin it right now.

my mom called me this morning around 8 to ask if i’d heard from my grandparents after hurricane irene went through (since i’m an hour from them vs. her 4 hours from them), and just hearing her voice made me feel like i was a little girl again, away for a week at camp.  like i would be home again in a few days, and she’d make homemade pizza and we’d watch a girly movie.

the lunch menu in the karr household was grilled chicken … which ended up tasting awesome, but was quite the saga to get ready (interesting story there … it was a fun afternoon 🙂 ).  i always think of my dad whenever i or anyone else grills, and today was no exception. the last few years, my role has been grill helper … i hang on to the meat platter, the tongs, the umbrella (yes, we grill in the rain! we’re hardcore.), whatever it is that dad needs me to hold while he works his grillmaster magic.  we have some of our silliest and memorable conversations while manning the grill …. so i really missed him this afternoon.

college life kicked off this evening … without me, for the first time in two years. serving as a college life leader ranks in the top five things i loved about my life in lynchburg, so this was hard.  my best friend and her boyfriend are leaders this semester, and my co-leader from last semester has a new sidekick now. my students are now someone else’s students … i am not the one who will cook them dinner every other week and go on coffee dates and have sleepovers and hear about God working in their lives. i mean, there are some relationships that have continued, and i still love and hear from those girls, but my role in their lives has changed.

sunday night is skype date night with my sister. i get to see her face via the interwebs, and we tell each other everything and laugh alot. of all the people i don’t see every day anymore, its sarah that i miss the most.  and this week i wasn’t there to be the big sister when her car battery died.

please hear what is underneath all of this- i know the lord has brought me and the rest of the team to raleigh for a reason, and at the right time. i am settling in well and loving the new relationships that i’m building.  most of the time i am too busy to miss anything or anyone too much- there is too much to do here, and too many people to meet! i’m not wishing i hadn’t moved, or that i was back in lynchburg … but i am acknowledging that i miss it.

like almost everything else in life, there’s a caedmon’s call song for this.  this time, it’s “faith my eyes” …

As I survey the ground for ants
Looking for a place to sit and read
I’m reminded of the streets of my hometown
How they’re much like this concrete that’s warm beneath my feet

And how I’m all wrapped up in my mother’s face
With a touch of my father just up around the eyes
And the sound of my brother’s laugh
But more wrapped up in what binds our ever distant lives

But if I must go
Things I trust will be better off without me
But I don’t want to know
Life is better off a mystery

So keep’em coming these lines on the road
And keep me responsible be it a light or heavy load
And keep me guessing with these blessings in disguise
And I’ll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes

Hometown weather is on TV
I imagine the lives of the people living there
And I’m curious if they imagine me
Cause they just wanna leave; I wish that I could stay

But I get turned around
I mistake some happiness for blessing
But I’m blessed as the poor
Still I judge success by how I’m dressing

So I’ll sing a song of my hometown
I’ll breathe the air and walk the streets
Maybe find a place to sit and read
And the ants are welcome company


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